Musings While Sending Out Job Applications

• HOW can you require 15 years of experience for an entry-level job? Does entry-level mean something other than what I think it means? 

• I should do a shot for every resume I send out. The last few cover letters will be HILARIOUS. 

• 'I want this job because TEENAGERS ARE FLICKING BOTTLE CAPS AT ME WHILE I TRY TO SEND OUT RESUMES AND FRANKLY I CANNOT HANDLE THIS EMOTIONALLY.'

• I could be an Avon sales associate. I've worked in sales before. I'm good at sales.

• Holy shit I would be the worst Avon sales associate ever, I would totally smear black eyeliner all over my eyes and be like WHAT BRAINWASHED SUPER SOLDIER AM I hey where is everyone going.

• I should be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Not a high-level agent, but you know, I could get coffee for the important people. Clean Captain America's shield. Schedule the Black Widow's hair appointments. Arrange for Clint Barton's therapy. 

• A quick Google search proves that if S.H.I.E.L.D. is hiring they are not interested in electronic applications.

• How many more years until Starfleet exists? I mean they gave Jim Kirk a spaceship, I just want employment.

• DISCLAIMER: Kids, do not search for fictional jobs online. You will be disappointed by reality and become a bitter shell of the human condition.

• I feel like I'm applying for a blind date. A terrible, terrible blind date I don't actually want to go on but need to for complicated personal reasons. Of course blind dates don't usually ask for salary requirements, in my experience.

• I love when cover letters start to feel desperate. 'I'm smart, pleasant, and hard-working! I am the life of the party! I will fill your life with dizzying joy and also file all your paperwork!' If I met the person I'm pretending to be while writing this, I would punch them in their stupid perky face.

• Sending out cover letters is the actual worst, and anyone who says otherwise is selling you a load of lies. Back away slowly.